Adventures in Pregnancy and Parenthood: First Laugh

Things I Never Thought I'd Have To Say

"The baby has a refugee in her nose!"
"Why won't you poop?!"
"Did you know that baby spit in your nose burns?"
"Are there sweet potatoes in my hair?"
"Honey, don't eat your socks."
"She just puked in my hair!"
"I smell cheesecake." "We don't have any." "I better check the baby's diaper..."
"She didn't poop, her butt exploded!"
"I don't care if the baby doesn't have to wear pants, you still do!"
"It's been a good day, I only got puked on once."
"How did she get poop in her mouth?!" "Oh, that makes sense."
"Please suck on your own fingers."
"No, you can't sell the baby for a camel."
"I know a camel would spit on you less than the baby."
"Don't chew on the baby!"
"No licking the baby."